Quilldadbempangzak is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, sapient gorilla.

Quilldadbempangzak created the Whirlpool Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quilldadbempangzak, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Quilldadbempangzak, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quilldadbempangzak's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Quilldadbempangzak's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of limes to pigs while wearing black tights.

2. Always obey Quilldadbempangzak's priests.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not wear zinc on your body.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.