Flatbossfig is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, overgenerous pigeon.

Flatbossfig created a strange quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatbossfig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flatbossfig, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Flatbossfig's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Flatbossfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Voles are not to be trusted.

3. Do not wear zinc on your body.

4. Never feed lots of cucumbers to hamsters while wearing orange tights.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.