Narlcimwod is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, wise monkey.

Narlcimwod created humanity five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlcimwod, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Narlcimwod, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Narlcimwod's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Narlcimwod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Narlcimwod's name in vain.

2. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

3. Never write about archaea.

4. Never feed apples to voles while wearing skirts.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.