Hitkopfas is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, generous dugong.

Hitkopfas created Africa four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitkopfas, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hitkopfas, she will turn you into a rat.

Hitkopfas' most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Hitkopfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moths.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a building before entering it.

4. Always help hamsters.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.