Rilyattpog is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, kind snail.

Rilyattpog created Europe five million years ago.

If you believe in Rilyattpog, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Rilyattpog, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Rilyattpog's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Rilyattpog's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Run away from blue tortoises, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never write about bacteria.