Timcadrul is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, blissful crab.

Timcadrul created Europe five billion years ago.

If you believe in Timcadrul, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Timcadrul, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Timcadrul's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Timcadrul's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick ducks.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Worship no other gods but Timcadrul.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always wear red.