Quag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unselfish snail.

Quag created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quag, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quag, he will turn you into a snail.

Quag's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Quag's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.