Fedlathom Cepruttfed Lamvoldim is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, cheerful grasshopper.

Fedlathom Cepruttfed Lamvoldim created a bottom quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fedlathom Cepruttfed Lamvoldim, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fedlathom Cepruttfed Lamvoldim, he will make you grow a tail.

Fedlathom Cepruttfed Lamvoldim's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Fedlathom Cepruttfed Lamvoldim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime near geese while wearing cyan kilts and balancing six titanium spheres on your head.

2. Never hurt snakes.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fedlathom Cepruttfed Lamvoldim.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never think ill of sick sharks.