Jonpaskip is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, benevolent wolf.

Jonpaskip created the Tadpole Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonpaskip, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jonpaskip, she will laugh at you.

Jonpaskip's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Jonpaskip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity near birds while wearing turquoise corsets and balancing three copper spheres on your neck.

2. Do not kill monkeys.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.