Bempasmum is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, quiet squirrel.

Bempasmum created the Sun two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bempasmum, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bempasmum, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Bempasmum's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Bempasmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Bempasmum loves seals, so they must be respected.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bempasmum.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Erect a large gold sculpture of Bempasmum on top of all buildings.