Vonfadtit is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, kind octopus.

Vonfadtit created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonfadtit, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Vonfadtit, he will turn you into a rock.

Vonfadtit's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Vonfadtit's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near badgers while wearing blue corsets and balancing eight titanium spheres on your back.