Gesstonyar is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, narcissistic tapir.

Gesstonyar created a Higgs boson four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesstonyar, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gesstonyar, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Gesstonyar's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Gesstonyar's Holy Commandments

1. Put Gesstonyar first in all things.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gesstonyar.

5. Run away if six squirrels approach from the south.