Bapvogquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, astonishing tortoise.

Bapvogquaf created an electron two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapvogquaf, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bapvogquaf, he will ignore you.

Bapvogquaf's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Bapvogquaf's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat lemons.

2. You must love Bapvogquaf.

3. Never think about archaea.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near nematodes while wearing white rings.