Quimfigflab is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, compassionate cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Quimfigflab created the planet Jupiter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimfigflab, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quimfigflab, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Quimfigflab's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Quimfigflab's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry doves.

2. Never talk about optics near rats while wearing turquoise shoes.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Never play with disobedient children.