Barnfonyar is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, effective gorilla.

Barnfonyar created time and space nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnfonyar, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Barnfonyar, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Barnfonyar's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Barnfonyar's Holy Commandments

1. Barnfonyar must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never paint your arms cyan.

5. Never feed aubergines to manatees while wearing scarves.