Hitsterjen is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omnipotent jackal.

Hitsterjen created the planet Mars three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hitsterjen, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hitsterjen, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hitsterjen's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Hitsterjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not hurt geese.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not eat tomatoes.