Matveenfun is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, sapient gorilla.

Matveenfun created life seven million years ago.

If you believe in Matveenfun, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Matveenfun, it will turn you into a hamster.

Matveenfun's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Matveenfun's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never wear black trousers.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

4. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Fast once a month.