Vadcum is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, impressive finch.

Vadcum created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vadcum, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vadcum, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vadcum's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Vadcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat cherries.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near aardvarks while wearing black coats.

5. Hide if four frogs approach from the east.