Jatingflab Nilbadwattif is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, ruthless duck.

Jatingflab Nilbadwattif created a Higgs boson four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatingflab Nilbadwattif, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jatingflab Nilbadwattif, she will throw large rocks at you.

Jatingflab Nilbadwattif's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Jatingflab Nilbadwattif's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate dolphins.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.