Ventadquaglenlat is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, irritating wolf.

Ventadquaglenlat created the Whirlpool Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ventadquaglenlat, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ventadquaglenlat, he will come to you in dreams.

Ventadquaglenlat's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Ventadquaglenlat's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ventadquaglenlat.

2. Never think about dark matter near dogs while wearing gray scarves and balancing six gold spheres on your face.

3. Never talk about special relativity near bats while wearing white shoes and balancing seven zinc spheres on your head.

4. Never think about electromagnetism.

5. Always help sick sharks.