Pagquagnib is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, competent finch.

Pagquagnib created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Pagquagnib, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pagquagnib, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Pagquagnib's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Pagquagnib's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Pagquagnib in the centre of the settlement.

3. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Put Pagquagnib first in all things.