Vagquamnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, two-faced monkey.

Vagquamnurl created dark matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Vagquamnurl, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Vagquamnurl, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vagquamnurl's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Vagquamnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dwarf planets.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Vagquamnurl in the centre of the settlement.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Vagquamnurl.