Yokzodlarp is a god.

She takes the form of a large, uncaring pig.

Yokzodlarp created the planet Mars four years ago.

If you believe in Yokzodlarp, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yokzodlarp, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Yokzodlarp's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Yokzodlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Yokzodlarp loves mites, so they must be honoured.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yokzodlarp.

4. Retreat if seven snails approach from the west.

5. Never look at planets.