Tailzensaf is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, compassionate shrew.

Tailzensaf created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tailzensaf, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tailzensaf, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tailzensaf's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tailzensaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed garlic to squirrels while wearing skirts.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near tortoises while wearing mauve ear rings and balancing nine carbon spheres on your legs.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Never eat apples.