Dutjanfarn is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, tranquil fairy.

Dutjanfarn created an up quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutjanfarn, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Dutjanfarn, it will throw large rocks at you.

Dutjanfarn's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Dutjanfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Hide if six hamsters approach from the north.

3. Always help porpoises in need.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

5. Never pour water over plants.