Bemparksak Dagbidzim is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, irritating walrus.

Bemparksak Dagbidzim created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemparksak Dagbidzim, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bemparksak Dagbidzim, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Bemparksak Dagbidzim's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bemparksak Dagbidzim's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bemparksak Dagbidzim.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Bemparksak Dagbidzim on top of all buildings.

3. Bemparksak Dagbidzim must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never talk about chromosomes.