Stafquamlit is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, wise cat.

Stafquamlit created life eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafquamlit, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Stafquamlit, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Stafquamlit's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Stafquamlit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.

5. Always wear fawn.