Tettiflignan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, all-knowing penguin.

Tettiflignan created humankind twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tettiflignan, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tettiflignan, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tettiflignan's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Tettiflignan's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into gray rooms.

2. Retreat if three capybaras approach from the east.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never think about archaea.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tettiflignan.