Volorttun is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, cheerful deer.

Volorttun created light nine million years ago.

If you believe in Volorttun, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Volorttun, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Volorttun's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Volorttun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near foxes while wearing indigo dresses and balancing six carbon spheres on your face.

2. Do not drink water in red rooms.

3. Never chant near swans.

4. Always wear fawn.

5. Do not covet oxen.