Wapmoblen is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, competent seal.

Wapmoblen created the planet Saturn six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapmoblen, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Wapmoblen, he will boil you in a big pot.

Wapmoblen's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Wapmoblen's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear turquoise.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Wapmoblen.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not hurt snails.

5. Wapmoblen loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.