Bassjonfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, selfish rat.

Bassjonfarn created viruses five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bassjonfarn, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bassjonfarn, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bassjonfarn's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Bassjonfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never think ill of sick cats.

5. Do not shave your legs.