Lundampod Nakquamzim is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, overgenerous squid.

Lundampod Nakquamzim created energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lundampod Nakquamzim, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lundampod Nakquamzim, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Lundampod Nakquamzim's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Lundampod Nakquamzim's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet moths, for they are unholy.

2. You must pray to Lundampod Nakquamzim eight times a day.

3. Never wear dresses.

4. Never sprint near horses.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics near seals while wearing blue shirts and balancing five iron spheres on your chest.