Parkmaptar is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, almighty goblin.

Parkmaptar created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkmaptar, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Parkmaptar, it will destroy your home solar system.

Parkmaptar's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Parkmaptar's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Parkmaptar in the centre of the settlement.

3. Hide from red dogs for they are unholy.

4. Always help whales in need.

5. Never think ill of sick tapirs.