Lopgatbog Midvagster Cumrulldud is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing bear.

Lopgatbog Midvagster Cumrulldud created silver nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopgatbog Midvagster Cumrulldud, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Lopgatbog Midvagster Cumrulldud, she will turn you into a mouse.

Lopgatbog Midvagster Cumrulldud's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Lopgatbog Midvagster Cumrulldud's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Hide from fawn gulls for they are unholy.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Do not speak about cherries.