Timshavon is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, wise dryad.

Timshavon created humanity seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timshavon, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Timshavon, she will turn you into a hamster.

Timshavon's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Timshavon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about photosynthesis.

2. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Do not eat spinach.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed pineapples to snakes while wearing brown shorts.