Dumjanwod is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, prudent rat.

Dumjanwod created tapeworms four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumjanwod, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dumjanwod, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Dumjanwod's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Dumjanwod's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven bats approach from the west.

2. Run away from orange rats, for they are unholy.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Dumjanwod must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never feed lentils to goats while wearing shirts.