Quatdumtif is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, slow badger.

Quatdumtif created the universe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quatdumtif, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Quatdumtif, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Quatdumtif's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Quatdumtif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never think about stars.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never think about archaea.