Gedtabqueeg Funyattparkcin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, contented mink.

Gedtabqueeg Funyattparkcin created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gedtabqueeg Funyattparkcin, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gedtabqueeg Funyattparkcin, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Gedtabqueeg Funyattparkcin's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Gedtabqueeg Funyattparkcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed garlic to badgers while wearing hats.

2. Never run near frogs.

3. Gedtabqueeg Funyattparkcin loves dogs, so they must be respected.

4. Never eat lentils.

5. Never think about optics near manatees while wearing purple tights and balancing four nickel spheres on your legs.