Flabquimflag is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, charitable walrus.

Flabquimflag created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flabquimflag, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Flabquimflag, she will turn you into a slug.

Flabquimflag's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Flabquimflag's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Flabquimflag loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

5. Never talk about spacetime.