Laptomlag is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, humorless camel.

Laptomlag created Africa nine million years ago.

If you believe in Laptomlag, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Laptomlag, she will destroy your home solar system.

Laptomlag's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Laptomlag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near moths while wearing black corsets and balancing three copper spheres on your chest.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always treat shrews with great respect.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.