Abwanpad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, ruthless raccoon.

Abwanpad created the Milkyway four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Abwanpad, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Abwanpad, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Abwanpad's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Abwanpad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.

2. Always look after injured rats.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. You must love Abwanpad.

5. Never think about enzymes.