Dutnarlquat is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, amazing dog.

Dutnarlquat created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutnarlquat, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Dutnarlquat, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Dutnarlquat's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Dutnarlquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about photosynthesis.

2. Always make sure there are no ants in a building before entering it.

3. Run away from blue mites, for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about dark energy.

5. Never feed lots of tomatoes to geese while wearing red tights.