Damjatnab is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, pitiless narwhal.

Damjatnab created the planet Mars seven million years ago.

If you believe in Damjatnab, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Damjatnab, she will turn you into a slug.

Damjatnab's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Damjatnab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never look at asteroids.

5. Always obey Damjatnab's priests.