Gumwigjanvolhugnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, generous narwhal.

Gumwigjanvolhugnurl created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumwigjanvolhugnurl, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Gumwigjanvolhugnurl, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gumwigjanvolhugnurl's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Gumwigjanvolhugnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about asteroids.

2. Never feed oranges to snails while wearing indigo jumpers.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Never wear fawn rings.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gumwigjanvolhugnurl.