Cudlapnig Wonpakved is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, selfish mink.

Cudlapnig Wonpakved created a strange quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Cudlapnig Wonpakved, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cudlapnig Wonpakved, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Cudlapnig Wonpakved's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Cudlapnig Wonpakved's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Cudlapnig Wonpakved.

2. Never talk about gravity near rats while wearing yellow scarves and balancing eight titanium spheres on your chest.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.