Pitvendimven Mapkaplik is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, benevolent lizard.

Pitvendimven Mapkaplik created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitvendimven Mapkaplik, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pitvendimven Mapkaplik, it will turn you into a rat.

Pitvendimven Mapkaplik's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Pitvendimven Mapkaplik's Holy Commandments

1. Put Pitvendimven Mapkaplik first in all things.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.