Quagflisbum is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, ill-tempered tortoise.

Quagflisbum created Africa two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagflisbum, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quagflisbum, he will turn you into a sheep.

Quagflisbum's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Quagflisbum's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from blue eagles, for they are unholy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Quagflisbum.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near tortoises while wearing black tights.

4. Always treat snails with great respect.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.