Higkinbunjanvagbumjip is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, fast fairy.

Higkinbunjanvagbumjip created Mount Everest nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Higkinbunjanvagbumjip, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Higkinbunjanvagbumjip, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Higkinbunjanvagbumjip's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Higkinbunjanvagbumjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention whales.

2. Never talk about geese.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Erect eight iron sculptures of Higkinbunjanvagbumjip on top of important buildings.

5. Fast once a month.