Tettiloopwad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, merciless hummingbird.

Tettiloopwad created the world six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiloopwad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tettiloopwad, he will jump up and down on your head.

Tettiloopwad's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tettiloopwad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always wear brown.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Tettiloopwad loves doves, so they must be honoured.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.