Dagpitgabominquaf is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, caring penguin.

Dagpitgabominquaf created an up quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dagpitgabominquaf, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dagpitgabominquaf, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Dagpitgabominquaf's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Dagpitgabominquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Always wear green.

3. Hide from magenta squirrels for they are unholy.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Always stare at clouds.